Sufferin' Succotash!

If you could hear me, you’d be impressed.
I’m sure of it.
Because right now, I can effortlessly sound like Darth Vader, and I’m not talking about some cheese-ball attempt, either. I straight up sound like a dude.  
So, who or what do we have to thank for this temporary talent? I have no idea. Ragweed, maybe? I don’t know. It's so deceiving: the temperature is just right, there's a nice breeze, but torturous pollens loom in the air just waiting to attack.
I had really planned on writing some amazingly witty blog this weekend, but since I’ve got copious amounts of Zyrtec and Benadryl coursing through my veins, I don’t really see that happening.
Instead, I can give you a rundown of what my weekend has been like. That should be fun.
Friday: I forgot to eat lunch. I never forget food. Then I got the hives and thought I was dying. Adam made me take two Benadryl caplets (he probably drugged me so he wouldn’t have to hear me whine about probable death). I watched a couple episodes of Two and a Half Men. Don’t judge.
Saturday: Hives left and took my energy, too. Adam drugged me again. I watched five hours of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and learned that Kim has $75K diamond earrings. I felt bad about watching five hours of (terrible) TV, so I cleaned the entire house and did three loads of laundry. Then Adam brought me Zaxby’s, a milkshake, and orange juice. I rediscovered that it’s hard to eat when only half of your nose works. I think I watched some football because I briefly remember the Red Georgia G’s and the Highlighter Yellow M’s, but I think those were different games. Somewhere between naps, Kardashians, and football games, I cleaned out the guest bedroom closet and piled up a ton of stuff to donate.
Sunday: My nose decided to work again, but without allowing me to smell anything. Drugged again. Adam spared me and graciously volunteered to go grocery shopping. In the mean time, I decided to give the dogs a bath and do some more laundry. I realized I was a little cloudy from taking a mid-day Benadryl when I headbutted the cabinet. Made the wise decision that, even if I wasn’t hungry, I needed a milkshake for lunch. Made the bad decision to add honey roasted peanut butter to my Brownie Moose Tracks milkshake. Feeling a little better after a nutritious lunch and a good sit, I tried to make dinner—a new recipe from Real Simple, Cheeseburger Skillet Pie (surprisingly good). Almost lost a couple fingers trying to dice an onion. Thought succotash would be a good side (fail). Thought succotash would be good (why does admitting that it was almost tasty make me feel like an old lady?). 

And that brings you up to speed.
I’m sure that with enough coffee and DayQuil, tomorrow will be a breeze. I just hope that I sound normal. Otherwise, it’ll be tricky trying to explain to the little kiddos why I sound like a boy but look like a girl. ;)


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